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It seems like I’m walking in a very long tunnel. Dark and cold. The light’s too far away from my grasp. If only I could put an end to what I’m feeling. Not what you’re thinking, but there comes a time when you feel as if you’ve been stripped with all the happiness in the world, then you become numb and cold like the tunnel I’m walking in right now.

For years, I’ve been struggling. For what, you may ask.  Struggling to fight away the meanness and insensitivity of people who surround me. I give in, rest my case or walk away from endless bickering & nagging which makes me the coward and the underdog. I’ve done this a few times, not just a few, but many times. There would be no point in explaining at all. You can never defend yourself to a person who can’t hear you (or doesn’t want to listen to you).

I don’t need to be constantly reminded of what I should do and what should have done. There are quite a few things that should just be left alone. Mistakes should be buried, or learn from. Once stumbled, you rise up and not repeat history again. My battles are my own and I should face them alone.

How to Get There

Just one of those nights when sleep doesn’t come at all. Playing my thoughts around with life’s struggles keep me up all night. From a day’s exhaustion of endless working to being alone in the four corners of my room. My body says rest, yet my mind is just beginning to awaken. But I wish I could think of happy thoughts at this point. Sadness seeps in. The reason? Unknown. My tiredness comes from dealing with the people around me. I can’t, I just can’t.

My life was simpler then. Simpler but happier. Or maybe I got older. Sometimes, I wish I have a magic wand to undo my mistakes in the past. It’s eating me. I can’t get by. Maybe I need someone to help me. One thing that I need is a person to talk with. Someone who would listen and not judge me of who I am. The internet can provide me all the answers I need, but it doesn’t console me totally. It doesn’t listen to me.

Maybe I’m looking for something which I haven’t found yet. Or I will never find. How do I get there? Only time will tell.